Beaver Area School District’s solicitor Allen Florrence has been charged with 5 counts of violating state liquor laws.

“There must be some mistake, I spent an entire hour drafting complex legal theory that would allow me to sell hooch at my golf course without a license” said Florrence after being released from Beaver County Jail on a $2,500,000 bond.

Allen relied on the “donation” loophole to sell beer, a legal theory popular at college keg parties. “If it turns out I get some judge that tries to follow law or something like that, I already have backup plans in place” said Florrence.

He provided Beaver County Times with copies of new legal briefs titled “I give away the beer for free, I just charge $5 for the red plastic cups” and “Saints Peter and Paul Church where I worship blessed the beer and my golf course serves it as a sacrament.”

Beaver School District’s Superintended Ron Handinson released a statement shortly after Florrence’s arrest reading in part “I have 27 children of my own in the district, and still believe in Allen’s ability to act as a role model for each and every one of them.”

Despite the serious charges, Allen Florrence remained defiant “I am confident that once I get into chambers the prosecutor will drop his suit and get me off rather than ask a judge to hand down the stiffest one he can.”

In related news, the undercover PA Trooper that bought nearly 241 glasses of beer over the course of a week in order to get the indictment, has since enrolled himself into AA.

About Allen Florrence: Allen B Florrence Esq. is a respected member of the Beaver community who has written numerous policies for the local school district, including one making it a penal offense for high school girls to wear mini skirts. His practice specializes in Liquor License Applications, Transfers, and Citations.