After being criminally charged with sexually harassing the town’s treasurer, reaching an agreement with prosecutors, being fired, and having a $70,000 settlement paid by the borough to their victim, two former road crew employees have been hired back by Shippingport.

Councilwoman Bernice Nelson says the fact that one of the employees is her husband had nothing to do with them being rehired “In this difficult economy with so many people out of work, it was just impossible for the Borough to find unskilled laborers like my husband to fill potholes and haul away trash.  We had no choice but to hire them back.”

But not all of the town’s 237 residents are buying that excuse “This is the worst case of nippletism I’ve seen in my life” said Councilwoman Charlotte Spece.

Shippingport, which was declared the Sex Capital of Beaver County last year by Commissioner Joe Spankit, has a long history of sexual depravity.

Last year, 78 year old Councilman William “Stud” Green, who back then was the town’s male secretary, was investigated after officials found a massive porn collection on his computer in the borough building.  Residents were upset at the time that Green hadn’t shared his stash with the rest of the community, leading to his resignation.  He was later elected to Council after campaigning door-to-door and handing out free copies of “Toy Story”, “The Bone Collector”, and “Deep Impact”.

Councilman William Green’s daughter, who is Council President Terry Ordich’s wife, took over some of the duties formally held by the sexually harassed woman, who has since resigned because the entire town forms one giant family wreath when plotted out on graph paper.

In related news, Homewood and Shippingport have announced plans to begin a captive breeding program, and will be exchanging residents in hopes of increasing the gene pool in each of their small tribes.