The Beaver Area School Board voted this week to explore giving an outside firm the rights to build a natural gas well on its land. The well would be located next to a sliding-board in the Brighton Township Elementary School’s playground.

The district’s business manager has since formed a committee to weigh the safety of young children, against the financial benefits to elderly taxpayers.

Along with money they would pay the district to lease mining rights, the energy firm has also offered to build a containment pond for toxic chemical waste swimming pool near the playground, for the enjoyment of neighborhood residents.

In related news, Republican Representative Jim Christiana says he’ll be holding his 666th infomercial for Marcellus Shale soon, and hopes to educate parents on the benefits of using a fossil fuels company for daycare.